I missed ya, what else can I say? I also wanted to share these status updates with you. Sometimes I would vent clever witticisms into my Twitter feed, but other times I just jotted (iPhone Notes noted) them down for sharing later. Here, in no particular order, are some of the status updates I didn't share with the world (until now):
-Stayin' classy: I just put on an apron to make hot dogs.
-Took "complete 5 Guys online survey" out of my to-do pile. Still remaining are campsite reservation form to complete and Time Warner bill to pay. Priorities, people, gotta live by 'em.
-Sometimes small-world syndrome is cool, other times it sucks epic donkey d*ck.
-Ever see someone on the subway and want to tell them "I like your jeans/sweater/khakis, your mom has great taste!" ? FYI: It makes for a way less awkward ride if you just think it.
-While wearing earphones: even if you can't hear your farts, other people can.
-If 3 Mexicans get on an empty subway car, will their volume still make it sound as if they've been separated in a forest?
-Why is the guy from the TGI Friday's commercial making people do wacky sh*t for money? If this is what I'm missing by not watching T.V., it ain't much.
-When I see hipsters on my platform I have to wonder how they got here from BK. That trek can be epic...but I guess it just means they had more time to write bad poetry in their journals (pronounced: gur-nals).
-Discovery: Buying relish is for people too lazy to chop up pickles. I make it fresh!
-Just waded through a sea of green douches streaming down 7th Ave. Must be St. Patrick's Day.
-About to go all Tim Robbins on this car alarm.
-It really never gets old that my # was somehow "leaked" on the internets as Rhianna's, thus opening the door for random yahoos to call & text me. Really. Never.
-Sparkley donuts from Starbucks are like little glittery pieces of heaven covered in crack.
-Easter feels like my own special holiday because there are bunnies everywhere! It makes me very hoppy.
-If you're already an asshole & then you put on a bigass vintage hat, you look like even more of an asshole. Yes you do.
-Naps are for people who can sleep while wearing (or not wearing) anything. I am of this subset.
-Subway rides sometimes enable overly personal details to emerge from strangers, like if they are partial to Bath & Body Works' "Warm Vanilla Sugar" lotion...or that they aren't partial to bathing at all.
-Hells YES I wanna Fanta!!
-Had to wear a dress all day as an extra for a work project...they even made me put on tights...my kingdom for some trackpants, mofo.
-My bunwah is doing her calisthenics, gearing up for the Big Show this Sunday.
-They put a 7-11 on 8th & 37th. Slurpeeeeeeees!!!
-I want to faceplant on Facecbook.
It's good to be back on FB!!! But this was fun too...
xo
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