Day 10

The only thing, so far, that has made me feel more discombobulated than giving up FB is my appointment at the eye doctor. I haven't had one of those since 2006. By some awesome fluke, the prescription for my contact lens (just one, I am a cyclops due to some crazy staph infection I got as a newborn) never expired, so I just didn't bother to go back. I've been Squinty McHeadache lately though, so I broke the streak and went in to get my eyeballs assessed. I'm now a -3.0 in my left eye, still pretty much useless in the right, and I remembered why I hate going to the eye doctor. Being partially blind is fun already, just ask my friend Jim, who likes to sneak up on my literal blind-side and scare the bejesus out of me with alligator hand. Dramatic reenactment:


It's a neat game and I almost peed my pants in the shampoo isle of Target last time we played it.

Anyway, to add to the somewhat-blind excitement that is every day life, during the course of the exam I had to take out my contact lens, and then they dilated both my eyes. I was bumping into things during this part of the visit, and I almost cried. Why? Because while I was waiting for the dilating drops to take effect I got scared that on the off-chance Chelsea Eye caught fire, assuming I'd be able to find the door and evacuate, I'd probably just run straight into traffic. This didn't happen. But it could have.

Eventually I was able to put my contact back in and returned to work from the doctor's office without suffering death by yellow cab. The only notable thing that happened was that when I went to grab lunch at Subway, my sammy artist asked if I was tripping balls because I came in all crazy-eyed. Actual pupil:


After a few hours my pupils went back to normal, I have a stronger 'script now, and I'm looking forward to not squinting when I go to the theater tonight to see The Miracle Worker...a show about Helen Keller. Did you feel that? The irony just got thick, real quick.

Tying it all together: much like my eye doctor experience, the quality of my life may improve by giving up FB, but that doesn't make the act of doing it not suck.