This is only exceptional because I don't cook. Ever. Literally.
BUT, I got inspired and concocted a recipe today. Here's what it takes and how you should go about making Mel's Shut the Front Door! Chili:
1 lb. of ground beef
1 can peeled/diced tomatoes (14.5 oz/basil, garlic & oregano seasoned)
1 can habichuelas coloradas pequeñas (15.5 oz/AKA small red beans)
1/2 red onion
1 green pepper
1 red pepper
1 cubanelle pepper (bought by accident because I thought it was a hot pepper)
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
1 cup of water
1 packet chili seasoning
Step 1: Go to the store and buy random things that look like they might end up in chili. Read the backs of the cans you're buying for guidance, but mostly make it up as you go along.
Step 2: Dust off your apron. Pose in front of a mirror in your apron for awhile with a spatula prop, pretending to be a naughty chef.
Step 3: Brown the ground beef in skillet, then drain and transfer to a medium pot. Crack a beer.
Step 4: Call your mom and tell her that you're making chili so that she's proud of you for being productive/domestic.
Step 5: Eat leftover pizza while you're dicing the onion and peppers because you realize that the chili isn't going to be ready for a good long while. Crack another beer.
Step 6: Add tomatoes, diced onion, diced peppers, garlic, water and chili seasoning to ground beef.
Step 7: Take mobile upload of the pot'o'goodness, send to all your friends and proclaim "I'M MAKING CHILI!"
Step 8: Cover, simmer on stove. Forever. (approx 3 hours) Crack a few beers.
Step 9: Go do your laundry, come home between cycles to stir the chili before it starts to burn.
Step 10: Open a window. Chili smells delicious, but you don't want to live in a cloud of it.
Step 11: When chili has thickened to your liking, take off heat and allow to cool.
Step 12: Consume ravenously. Freeze what's left over or give to friends/neighbors.
Step 13: Take a nap cuz you're full and drunk.
BOOM. CHILI!
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