Day 3 - 2011

Holy crap.
Maybe not the most appropriate thing to say on a religious penance inspired blog...
But HOLY CRAP!

I'm so excited and tired and happy. Just got back from a trip to Ikea Brooklyn w/ my BFFNYC. We piled up 3 flatbed carts with a whole bunch of awesomeness and tomorrow when it is all delivered I'll have amassed her + more of my kicka** friends to help me break/build Chez Mel into something so much better. After all is said and built we're going to celebrate this epic event with champagne and Swedish meatballs, a Silver Bullet appetizer/motivational course and Swedish Fish to finish.

Which got me thinkin'...I truly believe your best friends are the ones that are with you in the worst times. Although generally this is a rockin' happening, the prep stages will be freakin' awful.

Q: Who wants to travel out of their home borough, break a giant futon down w/ a tiny wrench, carry a bunch of sh*t up and down a flight of stairs, assemble piles of boards into glory, and give up a sweet weekend afternoon to do it all?
A: Your best friends.

This is a pretty mild but real example...pure and simple, the people who are there with you at the times in your life when you're riding cloud 9, and are also there to pick you up off the floor when you hit a new low are the keepers. This is very probably a realization you've had yourself, I only mention because I was just digesting how cool it is.

Admittedly, it's ridiculously hard for me to depend on anyone else. I've been alone for so long and an only child my entire life, so independence can be a defense mechanism in addition to already being my natural default. There have been instances that I find myself near tears only because I haven't had the f**king sense to ask for help...but to depend on anyone is to give up the solitude I've worked so hard to cultivate, and somehow feels like defeat.

Reasoning: if I give anyone the power to make me happy I also give them the power to make me sad.

Twisted, but true. At times, I even find myself almost preferring the company of people who are distant and selfish only because that behavior is entirely predictable. That's stupid (and I'm a smart cookie, so that makes it even stupider). It's something that I obviously realize about myself though, and have been trying hard to give less power because it feels so much better to believe in people.

Ok, so to get this back on track to the positive jam it started out to be and to turn off the "therapeutic exposition" switch...I want to just say that I am embracing the fact that trusting and needing people is what friendship means. It's about accepting their request (see what I did there? BOOM! relevance!) every time they ask- be it to laugh, move sh*t, hold hands, hold you accountable, scream, hug, drink, rock, cry, breathe, talk, celebrate, sit in silence, understand, not ask why, stalk their cat, or simply just be...

And I get that. I'm also happy to report that there are friends in my world that fit this bill and rock my proverbial socks off. Yes, yes they/you do.