Day 41 (less than a week to go!!)

I've been very busy and important these last couple of days. Foremost, I want to tell you about my not-so-great date. Remember when I decided to try and branch out socially by joining match.com?

Yeah.

So technically my 1st date made using the site never happened because 2 days before our supposed brunch, his mom had a fatal heart attack and even though we had never met in person he wanted to talk about it and kept calling with updates about what he was going through (taking her off life support, planning the wake, etc). I'm not a mean-spirited person, if anything I'm super effing sweet and care too much for my own good about the people I let into my heart. He wasn't in my heart yet though, he wasn't even in my phone w/ a last name because I didn't know it...I'm sorry but I just couldn't even try to know the right things to say in that situation. It's sad, I know, and I had to just wish him the best because I couldn't give that to him. Match FAIL.

My 2nd date via the service happened this past Saturday. Although less traumatic, it wasn't a "match" either. Dudes, listen up, no matter how funny and smart you are or how much fun we have playing pool and eating pizza the following is not sexy. EVER:

- Letting me pay for my own beer. If it's the first date, man up.

- Not opening doors or pulling out chairs. I'm not high maintenance, on the contrary I'm supremely easygoing. But I repeat- if it's the first date, MAN UP. You don't lose anything by being courteous, if anything you might get more...

- Admitting to and happening to be devoid of any qualms about not being a grown-up when you're definitely old enough to know better. Whatever. Sure, I think it's cute that you use a Simpsons reference to illustrate a story about your life, but I don't think it's awesome that you're 31 and your mom is still paying your bills.

- Getting drunker while I switch to water, then putting your arm around me and your hand on my hip. We just met, and I'm not losing-my-inhibitions-drunk like you are, stop holding me like I'm going to get away because I'm going to anyway. I know Kung Fu, motherf*cker.

- If we've been hanging out for 4.5 hours and I say I'm ready to go home, I'm not kidding. Buh-bye, and also by now it's bound to be EFFING LATE. A well know fact is that if I don't cross the border into Astoria by 1AM I transform into a pumpkin. Not even a cute pumpkin either, I turn into one that's all flat and weird and bumpy on one side, it's not pretty so just let me go without pouting.

That's all, it wasn't like he was mean or we had a totally abysmal time, the experience was just missing some of the simpler things in life I require. I don't need to be taken care of, but I do need to be cared for. Here's the deal: I'll laugh at your sometimes-stupid jokes, if you'll just remember to help me put on my coat.